Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
