I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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