hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
