His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
