I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
