He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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