Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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