It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
