so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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