do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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