I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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