guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
