Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize