did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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