The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
