My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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