so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
