I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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