i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
