I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
