Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
