I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
