No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
