Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
