dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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