remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
