You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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