Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
