We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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