ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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