ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
