She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
