i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
