sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
