Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
