3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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