I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize