And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
