BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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