I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
