There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
