I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
