I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
