I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
