yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
