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• (541): View more from Oregon

  There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

  (253): View more from Washington

  Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.

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• (714): View more from California

  I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night 

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.

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