Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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