look no pants
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize