Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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