and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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