I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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