So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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