That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
