We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
