U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
