my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
