I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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