drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
