I could have mohawked her pubes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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