we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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