My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
