Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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