on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
