the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
