i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
