Ambien. No doubt about it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
