I just pynch a tree in the face
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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