ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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