dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I forget how to act sober
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
