Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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