After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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