He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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