I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
