She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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