Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
