So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
