doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize