No, you can still breathe under the balls.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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