Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
