i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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